Al Bausch Makes My Life Better

15 Reasons Why Al Makes Me Feel Better About Myself

1. No matter what I know that at least one of his favorite sports teams are losing miserably.
2. He never has a good comeback to anything anyone says and therefore constantly looks stupid, which inturn, makes everyone in the room look more intelligent.
3. Al is a bitch.
4. He goes to a fake college, with fake friends and a totally imagined college experience.
5. Al lives on the North Side of Chicago.
6. Al once felt a vagina, unfortunately for him it was his mother's at birth.
7. 20 years later Al still gets pushed around by his 8th grade bullies, they are still in 8th grade.
8. Al thinks he looks fat in his full body adult jammies, so tries to avoid having those extra pack of fruit snacks.
9. He wears his Rams jersey and thinks people get offended by it, when in reality people just feel bad for him.
10. He thinks that socks and sandals feels great and doesn't care how polish/gay it makes him.
11. Al is bicurious.
12. He once professed his love for Rick Ankiel but then Rick went insane and threw a vase at him. Al locked himself in his room and cried for a week and it wasn't until, his friend pretended to be Albert Pujols and offered to take him on a romantic dinner did he come out.
13. Al once masturbated to a picture of Kermit the Frog.
14. He was arrested after simultaneously stalking members of the Mickey Mouse Club, S-Club 7, and the guy who announced Global Guts.
15. He has 8 failed attempts of having sex with Kathleen Schultz... and counting.